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What I Fear! Atleast a part of it

In the midst of a casual chat with Soumya, I stumbled upon this topic - "what do I fear in me?". I was the one who put the topic out, and it sure is cliché, but I wanted to avoid the "mmm...errr..well.."s to the more generic "speak about yourself" stuff. Besides, about fears was what she was talking about until then.

I didn't have a ready list, as always. But once I started talking about it, even I wondered from which corner of the hell did all those observations come from. These shreads of thoughts made of plastic were probably lying inside me for long, only to be picked up and piled during our finger-talk. May be there is a bigger litter inside.

First it is the fear of letting people into the inner circle, for its here that mistakes hurt more than anything else. 'The one' I am looking for would belong to the innermost circle, and I am afraid that my inferiority complexes would force me to make compromises. I am scared to look back at the distance between myself during my graduation times and myself right now, in matters concerning the interests I had outside textbooks. And I'm all the more concerned about how this distance is growing and this patch, that I am, is drying. I fear that my habit of taking things/people for granted (especially the ones in the inner circle) would cost me more damage than it has already cost me. At last I am worried about my habit of dotting every 'i' and wasting time over unnecessary details. I blame it on my sun-sign and I'm sure it follows me to the eternal vault.

Words that sound negative, even if apparently so, attract words of inspiration from others. They tend to cheer you up, even when you are talking eye-to-eye with your fears and feeling great about it. Soumya was no different. I was feeling glad about it all and I would rather hold on to these fears and deal with them myself. And my rationale is; all these are my own words of caution to myself.

posted by ദീപക് -:-Deepak @ 8:42 PM